March 4 2014

March 4 2014

 Quite a few folks have asked me how I am doing and I noticed I had not sent a note for a while. Well, thank you for your prayers and continuous support!

 In early Dec, I was blessed by 2 Co 5:1-10 during worship. I was reminded I would not be naked (v2) when we meet God and that what is mortal may be swallowed by life (v4)… So we make it our goal to please him, whether we are at home in the body or away from it (V9). You must read the whole passage, it was so uplifting! I began to long for a new body and hope for the new life.

 Then I completed my second doctorate (Doctor of Education) from University of Southern California and the degree was posted on Dec 18, 2013.  I started this degree in 2006 to obtain a secular degree that might pave the way to teach in China!  After I had cancer in 2010, I put it on hold and gave up.  Then I decided to persevere and experience God in the process.  Indeed He guided me through step by step – teaching me what to read, helping me get unstuck in the statistical analyses and even guiding me how to format the tables. It was a delight to experience His direction in an intimate way despite the uncertainty that I might not be able to press through the finish line. Then when I had the recurrence last March, all this seems to be in vain. I totally did not think it would be of any use. I would have 2 doctorates but no life to make use of them for benefit of others. In tears, I prayed that if the Lord will, may He use it somehow.  He PUSHED me

 through in amazing ways!  I learn that even if I may not finish a task, I will walk one step at a time once that step is available.

 On January 6, 2014, my birthday, I shared at the chapel of a local seminary. Usually I want to have a special treat for birthdays. But this year, I was thankful to be alive and testifying God! My birthday wish is 年年有今日, 歲歲有今朝 i.e. many more years to testify His healing grace!

 On February 2, 2014, my eldest sister passed away. At age 37, a drunk driver put her into a persistent vegetative state in a car accident. She lived for another 30 years, confined in her earthly body. For many years I asked God “why” and “what good can come out from this?” God has taught me about His sovereign will – you do not know but you trust in Him.  In the obituary, we wrote “Only God and she would know what the last 30 years were like for her. However, one thing is for sure- neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord. (Romans 8:38-39).” Somehow I was able to find rest that the only way to life is to trust in God’s sovereign will and to make it our goal to please him, whether we are at home in the body or away from it (1 Cor 5: 9).

 Please pray for her husband and children.

 Well, I returned to Macau to finish this academic year. I was at first worried about meeting the Sabbatical leave requirements. Finally I decided to just do what is possible (instead of do my best). I wanted to wrap up well. In fact, I decided to complete some of the research projects I had started and collected data, and one step at a time. Why bother when I am planning to quit? First, I like to persevere and bring things to completion. Second, as I reflect on my career, one thing that I regret was that I did not do sufficient academic writing and journal publication primarily because I could not stand being criticized and rejected by journal reviewers! (Some can be helpful but some just trash your work!) I decided to go through this process, not for career advancement, but to face my weakness and made a step forward to make changes. It is never too late to better yourself as a person. Even if I may die soon, it is still good to take the tiny step to change “ME.”  Third, I may live long and also there may be some unknown good coming out of it - Never lose hope!

 Lastly, this period is not all rosy but with struggles. I fired at Victor because he provoked me (his perspective – teasing me) for taking a taxi to do a guest lecture. I was so mad I woke him up in the middle of the night to tell him how miserable I felt. I need him to understand my health needs more. Well then we made up and learned to appreciate each other’s perspective! I got anxious because my Liver Function Index is not great (please pray for it!) Then I had stomach flu or stomach pain and I worried.  Sometimes I felt guilty for having some delicious food and was sure I would be punished for it….. Many other mini-dramas!  But overall God’s grace is really sufficient!!!

 I decided that after this semester, I would not work until I finish the 2-year chemotherapy. Please pray for God’s clear guidance. I am now going into 10 months’ treatment. Please pray that the side effects of the chemotherapy would be bearable. Thank you for standing by me in prayer.