May 8 2016

May 8 2016

It is difficult to write this blog entry because I am afraid it might be the last one. Now I felt quite relieved as this may be the last task to complete on earth. Thank you for praying with me in this journey as I sought to wait on the Lord. I also earnestly pray for His healing to have more time life on  earth to serve Him. The Lord was quick to answer that His will would be otherwise. I have no contest. His will really is higher and the best. As I reflect, I would say that my only regret on earth is that I have missed out opportunities to set aside everything to serve Him because I was unwilling to let go of my pursuit of career success. I had falsely justified my vanity by saying that Christians in position of professional expertise (and power and success) can also be a strong testimony. Although this may be applicable to some people, we have to carefully search our hearts in the light of the Holy Spirit. Praise God that despite all, Jesus’ forgiveness and cleansing blood is all sufficient for even me!    During the week holding off treatment, I had some good parties, celebrating the publishing of our book with Victor’s colleagues, dim sum with my supporting “soup ladies”, relatives visiting to say goodbye, etc. I felt quite content that I have completed what is needed on earth. If you feel like having a more personal goodbye, please app or email me so we can make a connection. I do not quite feel energized to have visitors. I shifted to a new chemotherapy last week. So far, I do not seem to be tolerating well as I was not able to continue this week. My pain is becoming very difficult to manage, with various side effects complicating things. I am so ready and eager to leave this body on earth. Lord, I wait on you, have mercy on me, hold my hand and take me to You!