December 21 2015

Dec 21, 2015

During this time, Victor and I have a discrepancy – I am eager to be with the Lord and feel that we should be grieving our eventual separation. Victor perceives differently and believes God will somehow provide a way out. Sometimes we feel a tension due to this difference. What binds us together is that we are both committed to seeking the sovereign will of God. I guess this is critical in marriage – to seek God’s will for each of us individually and as a couple, trusting that He would lead and guide accordingly, (and not insisting on our own position).

Today I got the CT scan results indicating that the cancer had spread to the liver and bones. I am not surprised with the findings. I decide to still proceed with the 3rd chemotherapy cycle as scheduled tomorrow and then give some time to consider whether it is time to discontinue treatment and shift to palliative care. Although there are still “chemotherapy treatment options,” I believe at some point I want to make the decision with peace and conviction.

Some folks are convinced that Christians “must” pray for healing with faith. I do not exactly agree. My faith is that God can certainly heal and it can be in whatever way that pleases him. He can work through traditional or alternative medicine, diet, exercise, meditation and different spiritual practices, etc., but His miracles are not bound by these means, His miracles are above and beyond. Some folks believe that we should always be “positive.” I do not need a false hope that I would get better. I am not waiting for death. I am “waiting on the Lord“, and for His will for me to be fulfilled. I want to complete His will for me on earth and press towards the finish line. May the Lord be merciful and carry me through!