December 2 2015

Dec 2, 2015

Well I become impatient, hoping that the Lord would take me to Him in my sleep or something, so that I may be spared from the painful treatment! The truth is there is no escape for now. I must walk step-by-step. So I had my 2nd chemotherapy shot yesterday.

These days my body has continued to decline – more dizziness, easily fatigue, etc.. Gradually it has become more challenging to focus on praying and on His Word. It is generally easier to be passive in worship (listening to hymns, have others pray for me, etc.) than to be active. Victor and I started work on a new Sunday School series on leadership through the study of Kings and Chronicles. This keeps me going a little bit. But overall it is easy to “feel distant” from God without the usual church activities and spiritual practices. Sometimes I also have “bad dreams” of a spiritual nature. This may be due to the medication causing nightmares or just my body not being able to rest well. It can feel spiritually disconcerting.

I cry earnestly for the Lord’s mercy. The prayer deep in my heart is that God will allow me to go to Him in peace with confidence and joy, not in fear or in bitterness feeling abandoned by His love because of pain. Lord, help me hold onto you. 

Doris