April 5 2010

April 5 My Sisters

My dad passed away 4 months after I got married. Being the youngest in the family, I was fearful that someday my siblings would pass away too and I would be left alone to wait for my time to come. So I jokingly told my sisters that I would rather die first so that they can take care of me.

I have 4 sisters and 1 brother. My oldest sister studied abroad when I was still young, thus my memories of her are vague. My second sister was the disciplinarian who kept an eye on us to make sure we study hard and keep proper manners, etc. My third sister was the soft one, who cared for the younger ones; I slept with her till about 10 or 11 when I could have my own bed. She claimed that she carried my diaper bag when I was still an infant. My fourth sister was the one whose path I followed; we went to the same school and she held my hand as we trod through the long flight of steps. My brother had a unique role as the only son of the family and he deserved one separate blog entry.

My parents brought us up well so that the older ones always take responsibility for the younger ones. Being the youngest, I had the privilege of being cared for. On the other hand though, I tended to be dependent. It took me many years studying and working abroad to become independent.

In many capacities I can be a caretaker. However when I am with my sisters, I become the little sister again. It was a shocking experience to Victor when we first got married. I insisted on buying a particular bed because my sister had recommended it. I felt somewhat obliged to listen and follow. [Victor quickly learned that it would only be wise not to inform my sisters everything.] Today my sisters still carry the heavy load if we go shopping together. They guide me across the road to make sure I don’t get knocked down by cars. Certainly they take care of me in times of sickness. When I was in hospital my sisters took turns to bring me food. I noticed that once I said I had eaten enough, they finished the leftovers, just like the old days when we were kids. They held my hand to help me walk, helped me brush my teeth and wash myself. Déjà vu! Fortunately they didn’t have to carry any diapers this time.

The Lord has blessed me with wonderful sisters. I feel sorry they have to always worry about me and take care of me. I try to revisit my feelings of dependency. As a child dependency is associated with timidity, helplessness and weakness. I have worked very hard to move away from those feelings and become my own self. As an adult I am still ambivalent. I want to try to receive their loving care with gratitude and accept my dependency needs with grace. The Lord willing, perhaps I would live longer than them and have opportunities to bless them in some special way in the future.