April 7 2010

April 7 Survival Rates and Life Priorities

Yesterday I searched articles and read about breast cancer survival rates. Guess which search word I used – “cancer mortality” or “cancer survival”? I used “Survival”!! : )

The National Cancer Institute actually has a web site where you can input information to get statistics on the probability of developing or dying from different types of cancer based on age, race and other factors. Of course you can also look up survival rates.

Victor did not want me to spend too much energy reading on the subject. So I limited myself to basic information such as 5-year survival rates for breast cancer based on type of cancer, size of the tumor and lymph node involvement. I like to know the objective facts. It actually helps me cope with the reality of cancer.

“Do not deny or desire death but embrace it so that you will learn how to truly live.” This is a quote from a cancer survivor. I cannot agree more. Since most studies talk about 5-year survival rates, I begin to seriously consider what my priorities are if I have 5 years. To be honest I do not have a lot of priorities. First, I can be easily replaced. The projects I have begun (programs, research, student ministries, speaking engagements, etc.) can easily be picked up by others and I won’t be surprised at all they can do a better job. Second, I do not have kids. So I do not have any obligatory responsibility. My only “responsibility” is to resolve the mortgage issue so that it would not become a financial burden for Victor. Third, I have lived a good life. I have been a secretary, a youth counselor, a psychologist, a university professor (although not promoted to a full professor yet), a pastor’s wife, a Sunday school teacher, etc. I even get a taste of missionary life in Macau (although I have not led anyone to Christ there yet.) I have grown to become more than I can ever imagine as a child. Yes, there are a lot more things I can do. I can still “advance” in my career or “expand” my services/ministries. Victor said I have not yet lived to the fullest potential with the gifts and talents the Lord has given me, blah, blah, blah… Yes, but I think ultimately this is not very important either. I remembered reading an article about Billy Graham a few years ago. His wife had passed away and his health was declining. He noted that the most important is about loving God, not the accomplishments he had valued at a younger age. Yes, my priority is to love God and may He teach me how to love Him more and more! I learned during my hospitalization that I do not have to do more to be received by the Lord. Rather God loves us so much that He sent His son on earth to become man, to suffer and die on the cross to save us. We rely on His love, not what we have accomplished or not accomplished on earth. I do not need to worry if I have “done my job well” on earth. His love is sufficient and His forgiveness is complete. We hold onto this reality.

When Victor and I returned to Hong Kong, I thought I had 20 years. Then I recognized that retirement age in Hong Kong is 60 and so I reduced the time to 15 years. Now I realized I may have few years than that. My perspective really changed. It now becomes the first 2 years (recurrence of cancer usually occurs in 2 years), then 5 years, and then perhaps 10-year-survival. Perhaps even longer… From this angle, the priorities are really different from simply assuming you have 15 years ahead to make plans.

Indeed the Lord is teaching me how to live when I embrace death. Death is only a passage to the real life. George MacDonald has an excellent book At the Back of the North Wind. Death is but an entrance to the “real country.” [It is supposed to be a children’s book but I think only adults can really understand it.] The survival statistics are useful; they remind me to live each day starting from today.