June 4 2010

June 4th Secret Sunshine 密陽

I had the opportunity to watch an excellent movie 密陽 (Secret Sunshine) on TV. It is a thought-provoking film with a strong religious motif. The story was about a single mother who moved to her husband’s place of birth (the city Milyang 密陽) after his death. Despite her efforts to start a new life, her only son was kidnapped and murdered. Struggling in the grieving process, she turned to Christianity. After making some apparent strides, she sought to forgive the killer and share Christ with him, only to find that he had already received forgiveness from God while imprisoned. This outcome shocked her and she became furious at God, perhaps for the fact that while she was barely coping with the loss of his son, the killer had already been blessed with peace. (Or, perhaps she felt that God had robbed her of the opportunity to forgive the killer.) She became self-destructive and eventually suicidal, resulting in hospitalization. The ending is kind of “interesting.”

This film has received several awards including best actress award for Festival de Cannes. Indeed actress Jeon Do-yeon deserved it. Reviews I found on the internet tend to see the movie as a critic toward religion, I understand it a bit differently. Initially I was somewhat “disappointed” that the movie does not have a good ending, not the “final conclusion” we may prefer as Christian. But after a few days of reflection and attending to some of the details in the movie, I was greatly inspired and uplifted. The director certainly understood and addressed issues of forgiveness, faith, sovereignty of God, etc. in great depth. Indeed God works in mysterious ways and there is a "secret sunshine" for everyone, in ways we may neither comprehend, accept or appreciate.

My condition this week

I am actually doing pretty well. Although my appetite is supposed to be bad, I have never been eating so well in my life. I had 3 full meals each day plus snacks. Every day I have fruits (of different kinds) and I really attend to the nutritional value of the food. I realized in the past I only shuffled food in – justified by work stress, hectic schedule and other so-called priorities. Perhaps I have to relearn the basics of life, to breathe better, eat better, sleep better, etc. in order to have a deeper understanding of the meaning of living. By the way, I also cooked dinner almost every night this week. Victor was impressed with my cooking; he would have proposed to me had I not been already married to him!

My complaint is that my mind does not focus very well. I have forgotten several of my passwords and messed up my bank accounts. It is humbling for someone who takes pride in her “incredible” memory and “sharp” mind. Some days I cannot even write my blog because my mind is fuzzy. Today comes as a surprise as I write with ease. There are times even praying comes in fleeting thoughts and I am not sure what I have prayed about. But then it is not a matter of the content but the heart that counts. "I the Lord search the heart and examine the mind" (Jer. 17:10) and therefore we can only surrender our heart and mind to Him.

My friend noticed that there are some differences between my blog and Victor's blog in describing some of my chemotherapy side effects. I tend to report more on the positive and downplay the negative sensations because I don't want cancer or chemotherapy to "take over" my life. Victor is attentive to my symptoms because I tend to be whiny when I am with him. My veins are still somewhat swollen due to the injection. So I ask you to pray that it would be better before the 3rd shot.

Thank you for all your support!!