Dear Friends,
My 2-year oral chemotherapy regimen ended
in the 3rd week of May and I have reached the 2 year survival mark after
the recurrence of cancer in 2013! Halleluiah! Thank you for all your prayers
and timely support!
I recalled that I was initially upbeat
about treatment after my surgery in May 2013. Then in October 2013, I mistook
the egg-like hematoma as cancer growing back rapidly and rushed back from
California to Hong Kong. In a short time I prepared a to-do list as death seemed
imminent. After the PET/CT “cleared” me of cancer, I continued to review this
list and have crossed out many items. Every
morning I prayed for submission to the sovereign will of God, committing my
days into God’s hands.
I took a semester of Sabbatical leave in
2013, went back to work in 2014 and then finally took a leave of absence for
the academic year 2014-2015. During this time, I strived to “keep going.” But every
time I tried to do something, I felt held back by different physical
ailments. It was most frustrating. Gradually
I succumbed. Very slowly I let go of my desires and my dreams. The hardest part
was to say goodbye to the academic career and to make the decision to leave
Macau. This is because I now do not have anything I look forward to.
Well I actually did a variety of things: Exercise,
housework, devotion, prepare Sunday school and Bible study materials, offer
professional counseling, met with friends, help Victor with church ministries. In some way, this is a very full and blessed
life. I am truly thankful just being
able to eat, sleep, move around and be relatively pain-free. But there is a part of me that feel bored and
my brain was so under-stimulated! I become flat and unmotivated. My memory deteriorated which may be due to
aging as well as this stay-home life.
There is restlessness in me and I still
want more in life. So I feel conflicted
in me. Like Jacob in the Old Testament, finally I gave up striving but I hold
onto God and ask Him to bless me.
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