May 4 2013

May 4 2013

Today I woke up praying to God to teach me 3 things: 1) on prayer, 2) on illness and healing, 3) on suffering. I want to prepare myself for the pathology report this coming Tuesday.

Indeed the Lord granted me quite a few verses.

On Illness: I had a mild fever today and became worried that I may have an infection. I then came to terms that flu or cancer or accident, I do not have much control.  But the Lord has absolute control over our bodies. I read a few articles on missionaries who sacrificed their health for God’s ministries.  I must follow their footsteps and offer my body as a living sacrifice - it is a reasonable act of worship (Romans 12:1).

On Suffering: I was praying for an individual slandered by others. 1 Peter 4:12-19 came to mind. “Do not be surprised at the painful trial you are suffering, as though something strange were happening to you. But rejoice that you participate in the sufferings of Christ, so that you may be overjoyed when His glory is revealed. If you are insulted because of the name of Christ you are blessed, for the Spirit of glory and of God rests on you… So then those who suffer according to God’s will should commit themselves to their faithful Creator and continue to do good.”

Whatever the circumstances, if it be the will of God that we should suffer (physically, emotionally or spiritually), let us commit ourselves to our faithful creator and continue to do good!

Another passage came to me: 2 Cor Chapter 1 on suffering. In particular I claim these verses as a promise: “Indeed, we felt we had received the sentence of death. But this happened that we might not rely on ourselves but on God, who raises the dead. 10 He has delivered us from such a deadly peril, and he will deliver us again. On him we have set our hope that he will continue to deliver us, 11 as you help us by your prayers. Then many will give thanks on our behalf for the gracious favor granted us in answer to the prayers of many.” This answers my question about prayer as well.  Your prayers have carried me through. I am like the paralytic man carried to the Lord by the faith of his friends. Your prayers carried me to the Lord.  I look forward to His forgiveness of sins and healing – I want to pick up my mat and walk.

You can see today I am so blessed despite my physical condition!

April 30 2013

April 30 2013       

Surgery was scheduled at 3 pm but delayed to 6 pm. I was hungry and thirsty.  Waiting can be a trial! Lord, help me to wait on you, not waiting for the next event to happen. 

[Surgery was successful. It is cancer. Will wait and see what can be done.]

April 26 2013

April 26 2013

I went to see the Chinese herbal medicine doctor and he was quite upset with my having a needle biopsy as it would let the cancer cells move faster through the body. I felt quite helpless about having these medical procedures and felt like cancer was now circulating in my body. Then Victor got the flu! I was quite alarmed and rushed back to Macau to avoid getting infected. I decided to sleep in the office to avoid any mosquitoes. It was unbelievable that there was one mosquito in my office, biting me all night and robbing me of the much needed sleep. Somehow I came to terms that I cannot control or escape from the mosquito, not to mention cancer. I realized that despite my efforts to take care of the body and have regular medical check, I could not have controlled the cancer or the circumstances related to the illness. I then have peace to trust that God has control over all this. May His sovereign will be done then!

Despite the lack of sleep, the Lord blessed my last class with the students and I had a good closure. I look forward to sharing my testimony with them in the days to come.  I reflect on my how much I love work! I feel a lot of life serving in ministries, working with people, etc. When a workaholic does not work, he/she feels anxious and guilty. Well if I don’t work, I feel lonely and empty! But there comes a time to only serve God in the way He desires – that may mean doing nothing but still we worship Him in Spirit and in Truth.

April 19 2013

Apr 19, 2013

Dear Friends,

Thank you for all your prayers and words of encouragement that carry me through this time. I am so loved!!

It was a long wait for the results of the biopsy report. In the meantime a lot of people have prayed for me (our staff fellowship, our Macau BSF prayer group, our church, and even friends in China!).  The Lord has given me peace to receive the report – indeed there is malignancy.  I am scheduled for an operation on April 30 and may the Lord take out whatever can be removed through the hands of the surgeon.  Then there may be some type of follow-up chemotherapy. The good news is – right now it does not look like it is metastatic. So there are treatment options. 

During this wait, I pray for healing (and certainly desire miraculous healing) but slowly I begin to pray more and more to surrender to God’s sovereign will and to accept His plan for me with humble heart. For the past year I have been reading a little book Trustful Surrender to Divine Providence. I am only beginning to learn…it is not easy. Some of you know I like to plan, organize and execute (basically I like to be in control!) I pray that I would serve God only in the way He wants, even in sickness and in death – to serve by fully submitting to His perfect will. It is tough but by His grace, He will help me.

I was invited to share on Mother’s Day at a church in Macau – half of this church is a group of youngsters from an orphanage/group home. I was also about to lead a retreat on May 17 for a fellowship group for widows & divorced mothers. I pray so hard to keep these commitments. In contrast, it is quite easy to let go of some academic leadership opportunities at work. God uses this to show me where my heart really belongs. Three years ago when I was first diagnosed with breast cancer, I was just about to start a bible study group for mainland students. I promised myself I would return after treatment. Today I witness our staff, local church and missionaries involved in this campus ministry. So I trust that I would witness God’s work even more this time! I want to ask you to pray for a Bible Study Fellowship (BSF) pilot class in Macau. I also pray hard for this one because I am supposed to get training in U.S. with another person in September in order to start this ministry. The Lord has led me to apply for sabbatical or no pay leave in order to start this ministry! Initially I resisted and just when I was finally ready to send in the application for training, the PET/CT scan deterred me. If you have had chemotherapy before you would know it knocks you out – I don’t see how I can possibly go. So I pray that the Lord would either move another person to go or spare me. But if He would send me, now I know it is a great blessing and privilege. May God make a way for us to have a BSF ministry in Macau!

Again my theme verse is (Philippians 1:18-20).  “Yes and I will continue to rejoice, for I know that through your prayers and God’s provision of the Spirit of Jesus Christ what has happened to me will turn out for my deliverance. I eagerly expect and hope that I will in no way be ashamed, but will have sufficient courage so that now as always Christ will be exalted in my body, whether by life or by death.” 

In His love,

Doris

April 2 2013

April 2 

Dear friends,

Thank you for all your prayers and words of encouragement.

Indeed the Lord has blessed me with an Easter message through the power of God’s Word in 1 Cor 2. I was blessed again by the affirmation that the Holy Spirit is here to teach and guide me. Verses you sent, songs, hymns and many other things lifted me up.

In one week Victor and I have accomplished a lot of things. My to-do list is not that long because in some way I have mentally prepared for this. However I was still stressed! I almost packed my office – since I do not have a shredder, I shred a lot of paper with my own bare hands, reminding me of the big and small projects (teaching, writing, etc.) in my past 5 years of work at University of Macau. These things are now really not that important but I praise God for the blessed years.

By Wednesday I am able to hold onto Philippians 1:18-20 “V18 Yes and I will continue to rejoice, 19 or I know that through your prayers and God’s provision of the Spirit of Jesus Christ what has happened to me will turn out for my deliverance. I eagerly expect and hope that I will in no way be ashamed, but will have sufficient courage so that now as always Christ will be exalted in my body, whether by life or by death.

There are a few moments of meltdown triggered by different incidents – such as losing the mobile phone. The Lord reminded me to pray and have peace in Him. Then came the appointment with the breast surgeon. He (and doctor friends) told me that the PET/CT scan indicates hyper-metabolic activity. A biopsy is needed to determine whether the lymph node is malignant, and if so what type (recurrence of previous cancer or a new cancer) and then the treatment can be determined. This Friday I will get a biopsy.

I was emotionally quite drained after a long day. Waiting is always hard for me. But in the waiting the Holy Spirit is teaching me various things I need to learn. His presence is my comfort.

This experience is another wake-up call that salvation of lost souls is a life-and-death matter. This Friday there would be an Easter gathering for the mainland students on campus – please pray that some will accept Christ and that we may be able to form a small group. Unfortunately I would have to miss it. However I would need to learn that sometimes prayer is all we can do. Will update you when I have news.

Doris

March 30 2013

March 30

Dear Friends,

It is hard to write this note – to request your prayer re: the recurrence of cancer. 

I just celebrated my 3-year-anniversary after my surgery in 2010 about 2 weeks ago, expecting clearance from cancer and planning to move on to live life more fully and making new commitments to work and ministry.  I was preparing myself for a commitment to BSF in Macau, praying for an affirmation from the Lord that I would be able to endure the spiritual warfare and trials for this ministry.  The Lord assured me that His Holy Spirit would guide me. 

Then immediately (this Monday) I found out from the PET/CT scan that I have recurrence of cancer on the lymph node, which is not a good sign at all. This coming Wednesday I will have an appointment with my breast surgeon and next Monday with the oncologist to find out what my options are.  

The reality gradually sinks in the past few days.  Last night I woke up dreading the future. I earnestly ask your prayer -- that I can trust the Holy Spirit in every matter during this journey.  I pray that this Easter, the power of His resurrection will lift my spirit up! Life or death, may He be glorfied! 

I would go back to my cancer blog to update news after the medical consultation. http://www.goodfightdoris.blogspot.com 

Victor and I need your prayers to carry us through. Thank you!

Doris 

Hiatus