September 14 2010

September 14 Getting used to Radiotherapy

I am gradually recovering, trying to stay positive and humbly acknowledging my limitations. Victor noted that if I joke, I am okay. If I do not, that is not good. If I start to snap back in English, it is usually a bad omen (precursor to a fever!)

Last Sunday I was able to go to church after missing worship services for a few weeks due to the fever and body weaknesses. The sermon was on Psalm 27, one of my favorite Psalms. It was a special blessing! [V.13-14 “I am still confident of this: I will see the goodness of the Lord in the land of the living. Wait for the Lord; be strong and take heart and wait for the Lord.” NIV]

I am getting used to the radiotherapy sessions now, learning to cooperate with the staff when they work on my half-naked body in its awkward position. The key is to be passive and let them move you. I am somewhat surprised but glad that I learn to “cooperate” quickly. When I lie there, my mind tends to drift here and there. Today I thought about individuals with developmental disabilities, a population particularly vulnerable to abuse. At one point in my life I have some “expertise” on sexual abuse issues related to this population. They are a high risk population because they have to be reliant on others to take care of their bodies and have often been taught to be compliant. Bodily boundaries are blurred and sometimes being too compliant may put them at risk. You may think that the association of radiotherapy to sexual abuse of individuals with developmental disabilities is remote. It is amazing how this patient role has allowed (forced?) me to experience things from very different perspectives. These days I think about people I had worked with (or served) in the past and sometimes gain new insights because of my patient role. I pray that I would have more understanding, empathy and compassion in the days to come.

As for the teaching, I am learning to pray more for wisdom so that I can offer my best to the students. Plus, I want to do it with more of my “heart.” I appreciate your prayers on this. Tomorrow I will be traveling back for my class.