May 13 2013

May 13, 2013

After the initial fighting spirit, reality gradually sinks in. On Friday I found the herbal medicine doctor did not remember my situation at all while I had felt so awful being “scolded” during the last visit. Oh well! I had a meltdown with Victor for his joking with the doctor and not taking my illness seriously. It was emotionally draining. On Saturday I was feeling quite lethargic and worried that I was not able to pull the Mothers’ Day message off. I then realized even more I am dependent on God entirely – mind, body and spirit.

Mother’s Day Sharing -- Thankfully I was energized. It might not be the best but I did my best. May the Lord work in His own way! It was a small congregation of about 40 people. About half were children/teens from the orphanage/children’s home. I was glad to share with them particularly on Mother’s Day. I hope there will be future opportunities to serve them.

I did some more packing and cleaning. It feels good! My to-do list is now very short. In fact I can now immediately get matters settled if the Lord will call me home. Victor and I cannot identify anything significant that we must do together as a couple. How then should I live? I seriously pray that God will teach me. It feels strange but I suppose it can be good -- first time in life I do not have much of my own striving agenda. Now I wait on the Lord and let the Holy Spirit move and motivate me.

Well I feel like I am going to be Martha, Mary and Lazarus since Jesus loved them all! I will keep myself busy with tasks serving Him, I will listen attentively at His feet and I will passively (or actively?!) wait on His healing or His calling for resurrection this life or next. I hold onto the fact that the Holy Spirit will direct me to His tasks and activities.