May 11 2010

May 11 Immune System

Today is Day 8 after my 1st chemotherapy shot. My white blood count is supposed to be lowest on Day 7 to 11. I started my day on the right track – devotion, exercise, playing half an hour piano, eating lunch, nap, try some work, call a friend, etc.

Victor has class tonight and I had to fix and eat dinner alone. We bought a chicken and since I had not had chicken for such a long time, I became a bit obsessed. I wanted to cook something fancy; then started worrying about not eating right. Lastly I became unsure whether the chicken pieces were actually fully cooked! Some days I had "worry" attacks such as this.

Today I felt like my immune system was vulnerable and defenseless. I imagined the worst when an old lady sneezed a few feet away from me. Then I felt unsure about the food I had. It was mostly irrational but I lost objectivity. The truth is I cannot control my body. There is not much I can do about my white blood count. I can monitor my food intake but there is no guarantee my body takes in the nutrition. I cannot quite rely on my bodily sensations either because nauseating is a side effect of chemotherapy. I need to trust that my body can go through the chemotherapy. Most important I need to trust that God is taking care of my body. Please pray for rest in His healing hands.