June 16 2010

June 16 Day after 3rd chemotherapy

Yesterday’s chemotherapy shot was smooth.

I was however quite annoyed when the nurse told me to improve my “psychological quality” (心理質素) and to adopt a “positive attitude” towards the drug treatment. This was her encouragement in response to my slight reaction to the sensations during the shot. I wanted to snap back and gave her a lecture on patients’ conditioned response to shots due to our body often being handled roughly. Plus what does she know about psychological quality anyway? Blah, blah, blah!

But then she was just trying to be helpful. I realized I am also guilty of the same thing too – giving people a pat answer such as “just try to be positive” or “the Lord will help you,” blah, blah, blah…without really standing in the other person’s shoes to understand their perspectives and share the pain. This reminds me of the movie 密陽 (Secret Sunshine) I recommended a while ago. The Christians friends were very nice to the mother (the protagonist who lost her son due to a kidnap-murder), taking her out on her birthday and bringing her nice flowers. However none of them were ever in her home to mourn with her during her painful moments. They held a prayer meeting to pray for her but they were not there to listen to her anger and hurt. None of them visited when she became suicidal. Most of us want to keep a safe distance; it is difficult to really enter into suffering with others. May the Lord grant us the capacity to love and embrace others exactly where they are.

In the afternoon I could not nap, so I watched a movie on Mei Ah Movie Channel [我爱奇诺奥 / 机器人奇诺丘] Hinokio: Inter Galactic Love. It is a wonderful Japanese movie about a boy who withdrew into his own world after a car accident, losing his legs and his beloved mother. He lived through the robot Hinokio. The movie really captured the loneliness of kids. On the bright side, the friendships and their capacity to love and reach out heal one another. There are funny as well as touching moments. I was moved to tears and had a good cry because it stirred up memories of childhood sorrows and longings. God speaks to me through movies too.

Thank you for your prayers. Today I felt a lot better.