July 7 2010

July 7th The Fourth Chemo Shot

Dear friends,

I am now over the half-way point!

Today I had my fourth shot. Yes, the nurse had to poke two times because my veins are getting too hard to take in the drug. However it wasn’t that miserable. The intravenous infusion went smoothly without any allergic reaction. Praise God! (May the Lord soften my veins for the next two shots. Yet one shot at a time!)

I am up since 3 a.m., most likely due to the steroids. So instead of tossing and turning I decide to write a blog entry. Thankfully I am awake but not agitated.

In fact I was in a cheerful mood for almost all day! My tummy hurt in the evening and so I went to drug.com to search information on the drug to clarify the side effects. Then I discovered the dosage of the drug was supposed to be 60 mg, 75 mg or 100 mg/m2. I recalled that I had 150 mg in the morning and since I do not know how to calculate the body size adjustment, I freaked out. Fortunately my brother (the doctor) was quick to reply my email, explaining the mg/m2. Victor and I had a good laugh about my brief hysteria over having an overdose and being poisoned by the toxin.

So much for my “total trust” in God – pretty shaky, huh?! But the Lord is grabbing my feeble and wobbly hand firmly in this journey.

Thank you for all your kind words and prayers.

July 11th Brief Update

It is so nice to hear from long-time friends and thank you for all your comments!

This last drug has been hard on my body. I have not done much but sleep. Yet the Lord has kept me close to Him even in my lethargy. I am beginning to understand that my subjective sense of well-being (physically, emotionally) may not be all that important. Our spiritual anchor in the Lord will hold us fast to Him. While I have lost self-confidence, I am beginning to gain confidence in Him - His grace is indeed sufficient in my weakness. When I can gather my thoughts I will write about embracing our weaknesses.

In the meanwhile, please pray for regaining of strength to continue.